Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize