If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
