i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
