I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
