She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
