Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
