I hate your face
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize