We won't sleep together?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
