: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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