It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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