I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize