i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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