Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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