im about as happy as oj after his trial
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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