take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
