Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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