Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize