i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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