Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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