Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
