And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
