I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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