She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
