Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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