Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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