You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
