I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
