I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
