The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
