I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
