Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
