Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
