When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
