wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
