how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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