Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
