Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
