ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
