You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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