I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
false alarm, still single
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