Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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