unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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