Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
