Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were trust falling into bushes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize