im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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