The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he shaved USA in his pubs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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