How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
