Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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