I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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