it was like eating out sand paper
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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