I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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