They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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