i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
