i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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