I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
and you fell through a lawn chair
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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