How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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