tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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