Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
