Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
