i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
