Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
