Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
