Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
