have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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