it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
