Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
