If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
