Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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