I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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