One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
